I'm having a hard time figuring out how to start this. Honestly, I want to figure out a way to spin it without making myself look too bad, but still making myself look transparent. Figure that one out. I think people do that a lot, John Ortberg calls it image control. Anyways, that was random, and not even the start of what's on my mind.
What is appropriate to share on a blog? I guess there are really no rules or anything, only what you're willing to share. Life is rough for me right now. I went from no job to 4 jobs, from spending all day every day with my wife to barely having the energy to talk with her before we fall asleep, from loving God and being excited about His kingdom to...where I am now. Quite honestly, I can't even pray. I just took a walk, which used to be one of my tried and true ways that I could really spend some quality time talking with God. I started a few prayers, but it felt like that phone conversation with somebody who you haven't talked to for a long time, but don't really have all that much of a desire to really talk to. It's horrible, and I hate it! (I'm sure that taking our dog with me on this walk was not beneficial for this end, but I also don't think it really had that much to do with it).
I've been kinda down lately. I have that overwhelming feeling that I am not what I'm supposed to be, and I don't even know what to do with it. Do I drop everything I'm doing? Do I try to rearrange things? Is there a bigger heart issue going on here? I am just...lost. I think it's time for me to go to bed.
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4 comments:
This makes me recall a sermon I once heard from someone you know well that represented the hours of our lives as divided into open spaces on Lego blocks. You only get so many and have to divide them well. Sound familiar? It sounds like all your spaces/pegs are full.
-G
billy. if it makes you feel any better, i feel a lot of the same things right now. weary. tired. lost. dry is a good word too. i think that in times like this (because, they have happened to me before) the only thing to do is just keep going. just keep trying to talk, just keep reading. and someday things will click back into place. after all, it's about obedience, right, more than emotion?
Hi Billy
I will keep praying for you, brother. I am no stranger to feeling dry spiritually and either out-of-place or over-extended in my state of life.
Have you ever prayed the Psalms, or prayed Scripture in general? In times when I find prayer almost if not totally impossible I've found that praying Scripture has been a lifeline for me. Many times I've read and prayed the Psalms back to the Lord and the struggles of the Psalmist mirror my own and help give me a voice I couldn't find on my own. That has helped me.
Well, you didn't ask me for advice. I know that advice doesn't always help in dry times. See this as more of a testimony!:-)
The key is, hang in there!
Isaiah 40:28-31
Bob Klecan
Bill,
You still near Elmhurst?
Let me know if you want to hang sometime?
David Hendricks (TIU dude)
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